Green Eyes: Love and Soul
Many times, Anand rode Lightning away in the early light and was gone until dark. There were nights when he never returned.
He visited her pool and waited. He would talk to her and pray that she listened and heard. He shared his heart and unfolded his love for her.
As the love grew, the energy produced within him was slowly swelling into a beautiful blossom.
When I read what I wrote back then, I have to admit I’m slightly embarrassed to reveal the extent of my romantic foolishness. Probably, because I now know what I must have looked like.
But, I don’t think my personal story would be as meaningful, if I hadn’t have pushed those boundaries. Like Anand, I kept on crossing lines and limits. I wanted to know myself.
When I was looking through Schwartz-Salant’s book yesterday, the painting on the cover caught my eye. Narcissus is at a pool, much like the one I’ve described. Next to him is Echo. Waterhouse painted her in the pre-Raphaelite style that has always enchanted me. It’s how I see the woman with green eyes, and it’s how I see my wife.
Because she approximates an unconscious inner image, it’s hard to separate what is me from what is her. This kind of love comes with the feeling you have known each other for life-times, and it’s a very deep mystery.
Schwartz-Salant said that the encounter Narcissus had with himself at the pool, was one of those numinous and transformative events. “It’s meaning has never been exhausted in literary and psychological commentary, for the mystery it touches upon… is the mystery of identity: Who and what am I?”
He then goes on to say, “the double seen by Narcissus is properly designated as the Self, the image of the total person and not just the conscious, ego personality. The Self is at the root, the matrix, of personal identity.”
This myth has been as important to psychoanalysis as Oedipus. But just as Freud was shocked at the resistance to his sexual theories, Jung was disappointed by Freud’s reaction to the soul. For Jung the soul was feminine, and it is for me as well.
The single vision had been enough to spark his own self love. He would make himself beautiful for her. Each act he consecrated to her and he believed she could see his every movement, every thought. His most secret longings were open to her.
Were they days or years that passed? He waited patiently and worked on himself. He would do nothing untoward in either world that might jeopardize his love for her. He would take no chances, even though he had risked everything.
He played with the outer world as though it were a game to be learned and mastered. He was cheerful and willing. He was in love. People never saw the contradiction, only the maturity and change.
All but Inyeh. And Inyeh knew and feared.